a hectic day

was awaken at 7 a.m. by my 2 yr old son, Logan screaming that he wants a juice box. Its time to get up. He then tells me he has poo poo... great I say to myself as I am in the middle of changing my newborn sons Viktor poo poo diaper. I get the lil one taken care of and realize that my older sons pajama bottoms are wet and stinky! Grrrr..... My 4 year old daughter, Lacey comes in and asks if she can wear this and wear that and I am trying to remove all the clothes and get the bath water going so I can bathe my stinky son. I usually get my daughter dressed myself but I let her do it on her own. All the time my 8 year old, Trinity, is looking for her phone charger. She is asking me while Lacey is asking me and while I am trying to bathe Logan, and the baby is in his bed crying for a bottle. I get done with Logan, get the baby a bottle, get Lacey dressed and hair done, and remind Trinity to get her dress and shoes. I burp the baby, because I don't want to have puke all over me like yesterday. I get them to all brush their teeth... double check... clothes ok, shoes are all on, hair looks good, baby in car seat, bottle and pacifier.... check!! I grab them all up, grab my cigarettes and lighter then get them all in the car. Logan wants me to buckle him in and not Trinity. Lacey starts playing her dora V-teck game and Logan wants it. Driving down the street with him screaming for the game. Luckily Lacey was nice and gave it to him to play. The rest of the way to work was peaceful... It takes me only 6 minutes to get to work if I dont get any red lights and the trains not running. I get all the kids to their places and sit down to take a xanax and drink a diet dr. pepper. Whew!!! That didnt last long... Gotta go get 6 WIC cards done, go to HEB, then go to Wal-Mart. Get back and have to fold a newsletter... machine was being a pain in the butt I would of done better by hand. Change my boys diapers and feed and burp my lil one and realize its already time to go. I kiss and hug Trinity bye since shes going out of town. I cried a little but no one saw. Get the 3 kids left loaded in the car and get home. Hubbys not too happy and seems distant. I am stressed because of bills and other things I have obligated myself to. I make the wise decision to go eat at Dennys. Hubby mentioned it last night and I couldnt stop thinking about it all day. I pack the diaper bag, knowing its about time for Viktor to eat. Get the kids shoes, clothes, hair all in check... change my clothes and me and hubby load up the kids. Drive to the restaurant and hubby turns up radio to a song he likes. The Lacey in the back is calling me... Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy, in the worse voice ever. He turns the radio down and I ask WHAT?? all she says is Ummmm...... Ummmm........ dad turns the radio back up. At the store, we all get down, get in the place and hubby sees a crane machine... so he plays and I get seated. He comes back with a Betty Boop Doll and a screaming 2 year old who wants it soooo bad. He gives it to me. I dont know how he has the luck to win stuffed animals out of those things. We get Logan calm by hiding the doll and I am feeling on edge. Then the baby starts to suckle his lips and I know hes ready for a bottle but I forgot to bring in the diaper bag... I get to the car and realize I forgot to bring the diaper bag completely..... OMG!!! I feel like the dumbest mom in the world! I have done it before though so its just bound to happen. Luckily we kept him happy with his pacifier but I just wanted to get my food in a togo box instead of eatting it there at the restaurant, in public, where people are. The kids werent that bad really. They colored and talked loudly and tried to hide under the table a few times but other than that they didnt fight or throw tantrums other than the first one Logan threw. After we get our food baby is tired of the pacifier so I throw him on to my shoulder and try to continue eating. He is happy with that. Looking at the world from moms shoulder rather than sucking on a pacifier in the carrier. I get a to go box for my food and Logans because he never eats his food when its the proper time to and wants to eat when he wants. I know I need to go to the bank because I dont want to go on Black Friday but I also know the baby needs a bottle like now but I go ahead and go to the bank while the kids wait in the car with hubby. I get the slowest teller in the world... he had a sticker that said Teller in Training, My name is Pablo. he wrote every letter in print very slowly then scribbled it out bc he couldnt spell my name right even looking right at it printed on my check. Then he has gotta go ask the manager how to do something and that took forever. Then he gets back and starts telling me he is a loser and is going to stay home alone for thanksgiving. OK!!! he finally got my money counted and in my hand... I had had to pee when we got to the restaurant but I never went and I still had to go BAD! Get my cash and head to the bathroom!!! Then rush to the car because I just knew that the baby was crying the whole time I was gone. And I was right and I get accused of losing the pacifier. I know its in his carseat with him, but hubby thinks otherwise. Finally home, baby finally fed and happy and by the way his pacifier was in his carseat and not in my purse!! There are some days that you know you should just stay home, but you have to go to work, you have to take care of 4 kids in my case and you have to do what you have to do... and sometimes rewarding yourself with a dinner at dennys even when your broke and you have 3 fussy kids... its all about making memories. I have had many hectic days and I know I am headed into more of them. But I hope to look back on these times and laugh when I am an old woman and hubby is an old man and the kids are grown with their kids. I cant wait!

the bitch that I have been

Oh I have been such a bitch lately. I am griping at everyone. The slightest little thing can make me mad, cry or happy. I am just feeling like crap and want to throw shit and break things. Any little complaint or whine makes my head spin and I feel I could shoot fire from my eyes like a flame thrower is used to burn brush. I have nothing to be upset about. My life is great. I am not abused or beaten. Aside from being broke as shit, I still have everything I need. 

Yesterday the hubby decided to help me in the kitchen and instead of being grateful I sat on the couch and said a whole bunch or horrible things to him... in my head only tho lol... I felt like he was in my way not helping so I just got out of his way and pouted. I swore his cornbread was going to burn or that it wouldnt be nice and fluffy like mine is. But it came out perfect and I felt shameful. Atleast I only bitched him out in my mind and not verbally lol. I woulda felt worse then. But he said there was nothing wrong with him wanting to help me and he was right. There isnt anything wrong with it. I just saw red when he decided to take the bowl and start mixing. I had been wanting to make chili and cornbread for weeks now and when I finally did get to make it I was annoyed that he wanted to help... to me he was taking over and making my meal his own... its so silly now that I look at it. I am glad I didnt say all the things I really wanted to say lol. 

I have had the worse heartburn. I am supposed to take 2 Zantac a day and I am up to 4. They help for about 2 hours not the 12 they claim to work for on their TV commercials. But I am sure that is due to haveing a child inside of me pushing on my "wherever heartburn comes from" area. It used to work the 12 hours like maybe a month ago when lil baby wasn't so big. My back has sharp pain shooting in lots of directions, mostly right smack in the middle of my upper back where previous epidurals have been placed.... I have had 3, actually 4 for my surgery and with each one I have had it hurts more and more, pregnant or not I always have pain in my back. I can feel feet under my left rib cage... litteraly!! I feel like he is sticking his foot under there and just pushing as hard as he can. It kinda weirds me out to think there is a kid, alive and well, living inside me. Its one thing when you are growing a baby, helping it bake in the oven... but the baby is ready and should be in my arms ready to live life in this world! I was hoping to induce last week but doctor said I couldnt, so I am going to try for this weekend. Having him on the weekend would be way easier for me with not having to worry about getting the girls to school and having someone at the house to wait for them to get off the bus. everyone says I should go into labor on my own but I real labor hurts. Maybe if I go into labor today that would be fine but I feel like going into labor means I will be pregnant longer than I should be. I went into labor with my second daughter and damn, I was going to bite my exes head off the whole way to the hospital. I am already in a bad mood that real labor may lead to me going to jail lol... jk jk. Anyways... I have had to go to the doctor every week for the past 14 weeks... thats 3 and a half months. And every 2 weeks I have 2 doctors appointments. One for the gestational diabeties and for the baby. Plus my already living kids have doctors and dentists appointments as well. So I am always doing something. I do have my days where I dont have a damn thing to do... such as the past two days and yet I am annoyed and angry all weekend. 

I know I havent been too pleasant to be around. I tried taking a relaxing bath yesterday but I just ended up annoyed that I couldnt even pull myself up to wash off. I cut the bath short and then I get annoyed that my clothes are too tight and small on me. Then I get mad because I want to lay down on the couch and when I get there the hubby is already all nicely spread out on the couch and I have laundry all over the other one. Yes everything, every little thing annoys the hell out of me. I am so ready I dont wanna wait the next 13 days to my due date. My hands and feet have also been swollen for about 2 months now. My feet hurt so bad and have gotten rough and dry and ofcourse the hubby will not touch them to massage them... not even if he were paid he would do it lol... I usually have the kids sit on the top of the couch and kick my back but that usually ends up annoying me bc they either fight over whos going to do it or when they do it they do it all wrong and since they arent doing it like a masseuse does it I end up mad. 

Anyways... I have an appointment today, my youngest as one tomorrow, then I have another one on thursday. My daughter wants to be in the homecoming parade and I just had to tell her I didnt think it was a good idea. I am just to worn out I dont want to add anymore things to do this week. I feel bad for her but I tell her that once the baby is born that she can start doing school activities again. Its just hard for me to do it now. 

Well I better start getting ready.. which means putting on tight clothes and fighting with a 2 year old bc he wont want to change his diaper. 

Sorry for my bitchiness but hopefully it wont be too much longer.